It ain’t personal: When projection & perception collide

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“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me”. -Unknown

It’s an interesting thing, human interaction. We tend to hold close those with qualities we like, while we push away those with qualities we can’t stand. We seem to have turned the valuable interaction between one another into yet another ‘outside-of-ourselves-blame-game’.

It becomes an interesting paradox once you realize that others’ reactions and behaviors almost never really have anything to do with you, and everything to do with them. While at the same time, when someone’s behavior is affecting you in such a prominent way, causing annoyance or irritation which you can’t seem to ‘shake off’, that almost always has everything to do with you and not them. There’s probably a fraction of yourself within that which you may be rejecting and avoiding.

Even in our judgments of others, we are really judging ourselves and that which triggers insecurity within us first and foremost. It’s always easier to place our insecurities on someone else rather than take ownership of them.

Either way, we seem to always be in confrontation with ourselves. Keeping parts of ourselves we accept close, and pushing parts of ourselves we reject away. We are always acting & reacting from our own perception of reality.


The real issue seems to start when we take everything so damn personally. Communicating with each other solely from our own perception of reality.

Sure some people are full of shit, some people are mean, angry and rude, but these are merely expressions and reactions of a deeper layer of bullshit that they are experiencing internally. By simply peeking at that deeper layer of ‘why’ someone might be doing what they are doing, we may be able to recognize fractions of ourselves within that which could also use some healing and understanding.

Now, this is not in any way to disregard or condone behavior and actions that are just simply shitty (from our part or others), but it does add some perspective to find our own healing and peace within the projections we place on each other. Though some action is unacceptable and disappointing, it is in our ability to recognize a fraction of our core within that, without claiming full responsibility for someone else’s fight with themselves.

“You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever personal shit they are going through at the moment. Which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible”. -Nanea Hoffman

We need to honor the fraction of ourselves within others, without relinquishing their responsibility for their behavior and their own awareness. We can understand, and heal that part within ourselves, but the rest of it is theirs to heal. Until they choose to work on the awareness of their own resonance, we can only be responsible for the awareness of ours.


That being said, you are solely responsible for the energy you allow into your life. Someone’s issues may be projected on to you and may not really have anything to do with you, but that doesn’t mean you need to always accept all of it. It doesn’t mean you need to carry their weight and burden and allow that energy to play an active role in your life. You have every right to recognize it, understand it and also release it (or in some cases, unfortunately, release them).

It is when you can recognize that you are being hijacked by someone else’s projection, that you are losing your own containment, when you are giving away your power, which you, and only you, are responsible for, that you can find the projection, adjust your perception and heal through that confrontation, issue or irritation.

Once we can release the burden of someone else’s projection and realize we are all responsible for our own perceptions, we can truly live free. Find yourself within others, heal yourself, surrender to it, and release the rest without taking all of it upon your chest and spirit. It’s never as personal as we make it out to be.

And though we are all responsible for our own projections and interpretations thereof, there is something to be said about helping others through our own healing. The more little fractions within ourselves that we heal, the more we might help others heal these fractions within themselves as well. Through our own healing, on some level, we heal others.


Life becomes an ongoing flow of therapeutic bliss for those who are brave enough to take the dive into honest healing and full awareness, constantly spotting the lessons, the moments for growth and smelling the bullshit from a mile away. It takes work, it takes commitment, it takes surrender, it is a paradox beyond our comprehension. But hot damn it’s worth it.

 Love & Light,

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